Fearing the worst

I forgive myself for fearing that somebody will try and manipulate me without me being aware of myself and what is happening

I forgive myself for not trusting and supporting me effectively in every moment and thus allowing myself to think that something will happen to me

I forgive myself for allowing myself to worry and fear that something will happen to my dog, my cats or my fishes

I forgive myself for worrying about the ‘health’ of my dog and for fearing that he will become ill

I forgive myself for fearing that my dog might be lonely and that his boredom or loneliness might result in him becoming aggressive or ill

I forgive myself for allowing myself to ‘imagine’ events or scenarios where my dog bites another animal

I forgive myself for allowing thoughts in which I worry that my dog does might be ‘sad or depressive’, when what this is – is me seeing myself as sad or depressive

Therefore in what I fear about any of my animals is me fearing myself and what I have accepted and allowed

I forgive myself for fearing that if I do not apply myself in writing, that I will experience suppressions manifested here in my world

I forgive myself for fearing that I might make a mistake

I forgive myself for fearing other people’s responses to me – in that they might ask me to shut up or go away

I forgive myself for attaching value to anybody outside of me as a personality who I perceive through their actions or words might ‘have power over me’

I forgive myself for giving my power away through fear, by imagining situations that could happen and thus not living here in practical common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience depression when I fear that things will happen to me

I forgive myself for allowing myself to exist as the victim personality, always fearing others and situations  – I direct me in every moment in every breath. I purify my words by being aware of what I say and why I say it. I am aware of my movement and participation in 3D

 

I forgive myself for placing value in constructs such as: envy, jealousy, better than, more than, good, applying, expressive, able, competent, clean, stable, responsible. Not that these points are ‘constructs’ within themselves, but rather how I perceive them to be is systematic and of the mind because of conditions and ideas and believes around each ‘point’

The consequences of me wanting to ‘play it safe’ is a direct statement to myself that I have no self trust.

I forgive myself for fearing speaking what I see to other people – out of fear that it would change how we communicate or change the beings ‘opinion of me’. This states that I want to exist as a personality or idea within somebody’s mind and that who I am is dependent on the minds value another being has of me. It is not that the other being has this value of me, but that within me I have given myself the value that I would like others to have of me and thus live to form this opinion in others. I stop ‘designing/creating’ ideas within myself about myself and thus stop designing all ideas within other beings. This I notice occurs like a dimensional shift when I express from the perspective of validation or bringing out an idea within the being of me – based on what they just experienced in my company – of me

I forgive myself for fearing that other people will not approve of my actions and words – this being because I don’t always approve of my own words and actions because I am dependent on my words fitting a certain picture of me – thus I don’t trust me as here

I forgive myself for fearing that if people stand up together that they might judge me of who they see me to be and thus not want me to walk with them. This fear is directly linked to how I see myself not able to walk with myself in self honesty, as I see me and my mind as separate and still allow me to hide behind my mind instead of direct me here

I forgive myself for still believing that some people are better than others and thus are more than and stand out. This is a direct reflection of my wants and needs to ‘be special, be noticed and apparently feel good’ because of some external event, word or placement of myself

Who would I be if I were not here but in a different place surrounded with different things and people. Would it change me.

I forgive myself for fearing that if I were to go someplace else I would use that as a reason to change instead of me being one and equal to me here

I forgive myself for waiting to be here as me and instead hiding in fear of myself and of self responsibility

I forgive myself for existing within my ego as the fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment and fear of getting lost.

Everything that exists within me is a feeling based illusion, thus my above mentioned fears are illusions.

I forgive myself for accepting the illusion of something happening to me. This fear is based in me not wanting to accept full responsibility for myself as I see responsibility to be – some big drama with me in the middle. So my perception of self responsibility is that it is a struggle. This is my mind allowing me to doubt me because as long as I listen to the illusion, the mind will give me reason to exist as an illusion.

 

I focus on here as the breath what I am able to touch physically, move physically and how I direct me practically

I forgive myself for using words to discharge sexual tension. Discharge or release is not necessary because if everything is here than the immediate stop of desire and need is here as the in breath.

I forgive myself for wanting to feel myself within masturbation or sex because it charges my mind consciousness system for the rest of the day

Fearing any event or being is actually fearing is the accepted and allowed nature of self as director and thus I fear that I am actually not in directive principle of myself

I forgive myself for fearing myself because I think that who I am is still dependent on what I think I need, want desire and thus am able to within this – fall back into old patterns. Last night I had a dream in which I begged an old friend I had walked away from a few years back – to please be my friend again and compromised me to have that cycle of abuse back. Thus I realised that I did not stand as what I had realised but instead fell back into self abuse. Thus I realised that points exist within me where I tend to fall back into self abuse and self compromise.

I forgive myself for accepting any form of self abuse and self compromise

I forgive myself for allowing any and all thoughts in which I fall back into self abuse.

I realise that the fact that I ‘circle’ around this one point over and over indicates that I do not want to trust me and that I do not want to just live and that my new form of self abuse and self compromise is to hold onto the idea that I might fall, I might deceive me, I might not be self honest. This is self abuse because any form of self inflicted self doubt in which I justify any form of abuse is self abuse – even the what if’s.

I forgive myself for judging myself in that I might not be who I think I should be.

I forgive myself for wanting to hold onto desires and ideas, because only suppressed desires and ideas will bring forth such self doubt instead of me living here without self blame and self hate.

I forgive myself for desiring power over people, thus in this statement realising that as long as I see the existence of power as me having some form of control over something – will I allow me to exist beneath or over any moment – and thus never just being here. I play the power game within myself of I must win over my inner room and accepted nature – instead of transforming my nature in every moment every breath as it presents itself here – without judgement.

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