1 MY Journey from Self Abuse to Life

When I met Bernard, Sunette and Esteni I was in a severe state of Self-Created Depression. I was one of these people you would call: An Indigo child with Special Feelings and a desire to be something Special in this world. When I met Bernard and Sunette at a Kinesiology meeting, I was intrigued because they worked with Dimensional beings and I had a guide whom I was very dependent on. The basic experience with Jack as my guide is told in my Videos on Youtube.
I had grown up in a Christian family and had experiences – that shaped my adulthood – and resulted in me withdrawing into adult depression. I experienced the loss of a father due to depression, the stress of financial difficulties on family dynamics, abuse and a strained relationship with my mother. By the time I finished school I could not relate to other families or societal structures. I found it difficult keeping a job and had no interest in working or making a life for myself within the current System. All I knew was that something was terribly wrong in the world and I had already rejected the idea of the Christian god because I could see that what Christians professed was the way of god – did not exist in this world.
Soon after leaving school I became a Wiccan – because I was looking for ways to find my spiritual purpose. I was specifically focussed on feeling detached from what I was experiencing inside and from what I observed in the world – through participating in ‘Magic’ and ‘Chanting’ and ‘Energy raising.’ While twirling around – singing and dancing I was on fire with Energy and felt alone with Nature and what I perceived at that time to be ‘the Interdimensional Existence.’ In my spirituality I felt alive, because I did not have to work or talk to humans. I was acceptable in my bubble of Wicca. I was shown by a Wiccan friend how to communicate with spirits on the Ouija Board and found this fascinating. I could speak to beings that had crossed over – indulging myself in the sick and sad world of demons and the dead – listening to their tragic stories of death and disease and how they dwell in the afterlife angry with god and pissed with the structure of humanity – in which you suffer to survive and then you die. This fuelled my fear and dislike of the System – because I could see that unless you knew how to direct yourself within the system – you would get eaten up and spat out just like my parents and just like these deceased beings.
I too was faced with having to survive in the world and realised that I could not float around doing odd jobs, and living on ‘the bread line’ forever. I found a job on a farm as a stable manager (After school I studied horsemanship.) The pay was low and the work strenuous. My body started showing signs of physical strain – and my left hip which I had broken when I was younger, started collapsing from all the physical strain. The doctor told me I had to quit working with horses. This was it – I knew I would now have to stop chasing the dream to do what I really wanted to do – and join the rest of humanity in the system.
Soon after this injury, I met a guy while out with a friend and soon after we started seeing each other – he asked me to be his girlfriend. He offered to take care of me financially. I did not realise though the price I would pay for this. The relationship turned abusive and started with mental and emotional abuse – where he gradually started accusing me of spending ‘too much time’ with my male friends. Then it changed to ‘don’t spend time with your male friends.’ Then the physical abuse started. By that time I had told myself I was in-love with him – which was actually me ‘in-love’ with his money and the fact that a man wanted to be with me so much that he would pay all my bills and obsess over me. So when the first incident happened where he started kicking my door to be let in – I rationalised it in my mind as: passion. After that it advanced to strangulation and then I really convinced myself that having a place to live was more important than not being abused. This carried on for a few years. I would endure weekly physical attacks. Sometimes he would strangle me until he saw me about to pass out and then he would stop, sometimes he would slam me against walls. His favourite trick was to threaten to have my family and friends killed. Eventually after a while it became something I learnt to deal with – the consequences of course – was me eventually having to face myself and apply Self Forgiveness for years of Self-Abuse.
While all of this was going on I studied Kinesiology because like most ‘Therapists’ I believed that Kinesiology would miraculously ‘heal’ me or take away the inherent pain I was in all the time. To cope I delved deeper and deeper into my spirituality. A demon on the Ouija Board had caught onto the fact that I wanted to escape my life and offered to possess me. This happened very gradually – and it started with me being captivated by who he was. Initially he did not hurt me – he just captivated me into my mind in a bubble where I was quiet. His presence was very commanding, I knew he was potentially destructive because at a moment’s notice he would completely take me over as a dark form and remind me that I was ‘his’ – leaving me unable to talk or walk. He was accessing my secret mind in which I desired to be abused and raped and dominated. We all have a secret Mind, those secretive thoughts that pop up once in a while – that we are ashamed of. In this I became addicted to the rush of desire and spirit sex. Eventually though the possession escalated to such a point that I had to have an exorcism because when the demon threatened to kill me – I realised the game had gone too far. A few months after that I was introduced by a Psychic to my Spirit guide: Jack.
Eventually I became aggressive towards my ex and having faced demons – no longer feared standing up to bully’s. So one night I lost it and started throwing my ex around the room. I eventually stopped for long enough to call a police friend of mine – and asked him to come over and make sure this party ended – I told him ‘tonight I kill this fuck.’
From that point on the guy started seeing less and less of me, mostly because our agreement had been that of abuse and sex in return for rent money and now I was fighting back – one could say the deal was off. I realised that eventually he would find someone else and that I would have to find my own way. One day this did happen. I had not seen him for a week and he was not phoning me nearly as often. It was around this time that I met Bernard and Sunette at a Kinesiology meeting (where Bernard was a guest speaker). They invited me to visit them and observe how they communicate with the dimensions. I was very excited because I wanted to work with Interdimensional beings and obviously especially in South Africa this profession is nonexistent. I arrived at their house, somewhat nervous, because I had fears and expectations of what would happen. Sunette met me at the door and gave me a big, warm hug – I was not use to experiencing people that were sincere and honest in their expression towards another – I noticed this about them immediately.

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