Communicating with Parents

This post is taken from a discussion on the Demonology forum:

http://demonology.co.za/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=382

I find that the previous generations as we observe them and interact with them – serve as reminders of what we have all allowed and tacitly agreed to become as man. When I had experiences of conflict with my mother, I had to realize that I could not change her. I could firstly change how I reacted to her from the perspective of hoping for validation, acceptance and love. I forgave myself for desiring those points because I realized that no matter what was said – I would allow the conversations because I wanted something from her. I believed and desired for us to have a ‘normal mother/daughter relationship of guidance, acceptance and closeness. I realized through my own experiences that firstly Love was the blindfold-feeling which we will use to cover up facing the actual experience of ourselves and of our parents (in this case). Therefore my own experience allowed me to see where I created dependency to the point of allowing abuse within myself as that which I would take personally from what was said to me by a parent. Secondly I realized that my mother had walked her Life path, which brought her to this point and she was the result of all that we have ever accepted within this world. She was not ready to see this, therefore within my realization I was to take self responsibility for realizing the bigger responsibility in that moment.

Therefore the ‘bigger responsibility’ within that moment as what is ‘best for all’ – was for me to stop participating in energy games with my mother. After working with forgiveness, I started changing how and what I will participate in. I realized that the old forms of conversation would lead to conflict and arguments. These conversations were usually based around me wanting her to acknowledge the decisions I had made in my life, which she would not do. Secondly I was allowing my opinions of how people should live to clash with her opinions, instead of stopping within the realization that we were simply arguing and not working together to bring about a solution. Therefore when I see my mother I communicate about general things within my and her world, however I do not go into any discussions which have no real outcome, which cause arguments- there is no point. I will not communicate with a family member if the point discussed in abusive towards myself, them or anyone else. I will not discuss my life with them if the discussion becomes one of blame and anger – for the decisions I have made. If I find that (and this has happened to me) a family member abuses the conversation by attempting to draw answers from me about my life and it is done from the starting point of wanting me to live their life instead, then I do not participate.

The most difficult part I found once I identified our pattern was to stop participating. The backchat would tell me that I required them because ‘what if I lose my family’, or a backchat feeling of fear would move through me, indicating that I was simply reacting to not having them in my life. All of these points one works with in the moment by applying self forgiveness in the moment and deciding for oneself what you will and will not participate in and here you will find reactions as thoughts come up which is the mind attempting to convince you that you need family.

Within this you will find an interesting thing – as you stand up for you and apply self honesty in every moment, your family will either fall away from you or find a new ‘respect’ for who you are. Either way you are no longer accepting the old ways just because of the word family.

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5 responses to “Communicating with Parents

  1. This is an amazing blog, has some wonderful tips for being compassionate towards our own self and others and still have a healthy relationship with our family memebers. Thanks. Shahina

  2. cool — thanks andrea!

  3. rebeccakarlendalmas

    Thanks Andrea, supportive.

  4. nice reading this Andrea, thanx

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