After finishing high school I became a Wiccan. I also played around with the Ouija Board to be able to communicate with people from the afterlife – to better understand how they experienced themselves having to exist on the Earth plane. I also wanted to express my own anger towards god and this world by communicating with demonic type beings who would openly talk about their hatred towards god. This was my emotional outlet to not have to face myself as the anger that I had become since childhood in relation to my fathers death. So by communicating with demonic beings on the ouija board I could express my own views about god in an environment where such hostility or annoyance was acceptable.
My anger with god primary came from my anger over my father’s death. My father was a heavy smoker and after a heart attack, a doctor tells my father that if he does not stop smoking and further causes strain on the heart due to stress – he could in the future have a major heart attack. I was sitting in the doctor’s waiting room and could hear the doctor tell my father this. From that point on I feared my father’s death as I watched him carry on smoking. A few years later, as my mother comes into my room to tell me that my father is in hospital because he had a heart attack – I was not all that surprised – I had carried that burden of knowing that the day would come, since that day at the doctors.
Two o clock the next morning the hospital phones us to say that my father had died. This point changed my life forever, because the anger I experienced at god and my father was immense. I had prayed to god to let my father live because I wanted the opportunity to connect with this man who suffered with depression and had difficulty communicating with his children.
I was angry with my father for not doing what he could to take care of his health. I did not understand at that stage that my father’s depression was at the core of how he experienced himself. Smoking was his outlet, a way for him to suppress his inner experience. I did not see this until I was in a position to learn about the inner workings of the mind which allowed me to see that my father did not deliberately have himself taken away from me as such, but instead was simply trying to silence his own demons.
Therefore by the time I started playing around on the Ouija board, around the age of 19, I was looking for that invisible voice which would allow me to express and communicate my anger at my father and at god. I considered myself different to other people and wanted to explore spirituality and the afterlife. I delved myself into Wiccanism and Magic, casting spells and even tapping into ‘Grey magic’ – which is not black magic where one would use spells and magic to deliberately harm others for one’s own gain – but instead grey magic would be where a white witch would use dark spirits and cast spells on those who have done them harm. Again – this became my way of trying to protect myself from getting hurt and to lash out at god and humanity as I saw no hope within my future because I was trapped in my own pain. I wanted to feel powerful however I realised years later after applying the tools of self forgiveness that casting spells and any form of religion for that matter is simply one attempting to protect oneself symbolically from who you have become by sugar coating yourself with a religion, which shows others you are actually better than the nasty shit that lives in your mind. In my experience I specifically wanted people to know that I was nasty person – by openly telling people that I was into magic and that I would use it if someone tried to harm me and was not afraid of expressing that I have access to dark forces. In the end this was only about allowed me to feel powerful and as I have realised no religion is valid – it only exists in the mind of the believer in which we conjure the experience within ourselves, which we equate to god or some white light or ability/blessing/communication etc. This is all done by ourselves for ourselves – as we are trapped in our own bubbles which we give labels to depending on how we created the bubble. For me it was Wiccanism – defending myself against others – by using magic. Some belong for example to Christianity – which is their own self belief that they don’t have to fear themselves because god made them so- thus allowing the being to exist in the mind as the secret mind – therefore not taking self responsibility for what we accept and allow.
So I have realized that symbolically I ‘chose’ the type of religion I would belong to based on my own inner struggle. I also ‘chose’ the form of entertainment of ‘playing on the Ouija board’ – because I wanted to deal with my own inner demons. From this I developed the desire to become a Paranormal investigator. I started studying through a British online college to become a Parapsychologist. I would read every book on haunting, ghosts, poltergeists, demons – that I could lay my hands on. I would go to historical buildings in the city that I lived in, renowned for their haunting- just to get a glimpse of a spirit. I became obsessed with communicating with my guide and wherever I went I would always look for spirits/apparitions.
What I realised when I started exploring my ‘past decisions and choices’ was that my hobbies and religion was merely symbolic ways in which I was expressing my own pre-programming. I experienced my own design as my emotions, feelings and thoughts and wanted to validate and understand them by seeking to participate with and within my own mind. Thus I wanted to face my inner demons and therefore hunted ghosts and communicated with demons. My pre-programming had become the voice in my mind I could not ‘bring to rest’ and could not face and that fear drove me to seek out ways of expressing myself in fearful situations. That is why I would go ‘ghost hunting’ and face ghosts and demons, leaving me fearful yet exited. The ghost in my mind as the voice of my pre-programming became an outer projection or ‘project’ as I made it my life mission to find ghosts and communicate with them. Fascinating how symbology functions – things which we seem to think are so very important to us are merely, If you observe this within your own life- projections of our inner symbology , based on our pre-programming as or ‘mind-design’ within consciousness.
Whenever I now observe people on the internet hunting ghosts and investigating the paranormal I am reminded of my own games with my inner ghost-voices. I am able to trace back to my childhood the day I created the ultimate ghost/demon – which was the day I heard my father was going to die. I carried that doctor’s voice saying those words in my mind, playing the words over and over, reminding myself that one day my father will most probably die of a heart attack and I don’t know how to approach him and get close to him before he goes. I am reminded that as the human we enclose these moments as a voice we heard or our own mind speaking to us – into and as a bubble. This bubble contains all the scary/horrible thoughts/ voices/pictures we have ever heard/seen. Then one day you watch ‘paranormal investigators’ on some internet site or in a documentary and your mind relates to what they are doing to the ghost that lives in your mind trapped in its own ‘haunted location.’ You become fascinated by ghosts and you start reading up on ghosts/demons/haunting/poltergeists. My fear of and fascination of poltergeists for example (german for noisy spirit) ties in with the fear I had at that stage of sex and sexual abuse. The poltergeist itself – which actually existed as demons playing amuck – is related in ones mind to ones own inner desire to scream and break things and the reckless energy associated with sex/sexual abuse/desire. That is why I was so fascinated with the ‘macabre’ – and wanting to experience paranormal events for myself – because I could then give an outlet to my mind’s ‘ghost bubble.’ years later I drove this mind possession to the point of demon possession – and this story I share in a book which will be released in September 2011.
What I have also looked at with regards to ghosts/hauntings- -especially when I watch video clips of people investigating haunted locations and screaming when something goes bump in the room – is the level of apathy that we actually have towards ghosts. I mean – one day I realised that in this game that I was playing with these beings trapped on the earth plane – I never stopped to consider that I was keeping these beings trapped here as ghosts for my entertainment and use. The same goes for all people who participate in investigating ghosts/hauntings. No consideration is given to the fact that the being is trapped in their current state and no one assist them to no longer be this way. If you as paranormal investigator know or have an idea that this being is haunting this location because they would not let go of the person/house/object/location at the moment of death – and that you as the ‘human’ can see this and understand that this is not what is best for the being – why do ghost hunters/psychics/spiritualists not assist the being? An I am NOT talking about those little ‘cleansing’ ceremonies’ that spiritualists and psychics think they have when they ‘send a spirit to the light’ – this again is complete bulshit. Sort all of the trapped beings out and ask your god why they have been left – why wait for the lucky few ‘spirits/ghosts to sit around for hundred of years before some special little human comes along. Why does god and his special angels not sort all these beings out in one go – what is the trap? Why do they wait?
Observe the following – the investigator/spiritualist etc – claim that the reason why this being remains here and does not ‘go to the afterlife’ is because the being is stuck, obsessed with something or someone – thus not allowing themselves to leave or as some claim – the being does not want ‘god’s’ help and is thus not assisted. If you saw a child about to drink from a bottle of drain cleaner – would you leave the child saying that the child is stuck in this moment because this is all it understands – thus let it learn by itself? Would you say that the child does not ask for your assistance thus you wont give it? Place yourself in the position of that being/ghost/demon upon death – let us say that upon dying you are not able let go of your partner/house or feared the process of death/the afterlife itself so much that you rather remained near your physical body than allow the process of moving into the ‘afterlife’. Let us say you are able to observe yourself make that decision in the moment of death which leaves you confused and disorientated – a spirit trapped on the earth plane. Now you are observing you remain trapped in your own mind at the moment of death, replaying only what you know and are comfortable with – as your previous life as a ‘human’. Would you stand around and say ‘leave him/her- she is doing this to herself’ or would you want to assist you? If you were not in a position to assist you – however knew that that there was another being with the ability to go over and speak to ‘you’ – would you not communicate to that being asking them to assist ‘you’?’ Observe for example that in this physical reality we place much emphasis on health care and emergency services. If you or your family are being hijacked would you not hope like all hell that someone will come to your aid no matter what? If your house in burning – your head fills with panic as you phone the fire brigade to come and assist. If a criminal has just broken into your house and is running down the street with a bag of your favorite heirlooms – do you not hysterically beg the police officers to chase after them – yelling in your mind that you would feel terrible if that person got away with your precious things? If you have just heard that your daughter was raped – are you not filled with absolute anger and disgust that someone could do that to your precious child? If you are witness to or part of an accident – is your first hope not that an ambulance will arrive as quickly as possible to rush the injured ones to a hospital so that no one dies? If you turn and see your child who was a minute ago playing in the front garden – run across the yard following a ball which is bouncing across the road – does your stomach not leap and your heart race with absolute panic to stop that child from getting hit by a car… Why is it then that we allow the existence of demons and ghosts? They are after all of our fellow humans stuck in pain and confusion. That ghost could be you one day simply because for one moment you made a wrong decision. So – if paranormal investigators and psychics know this – why are they not asking their gods to make sure all beings are assisted without the melodrama manipulation that goes with ‘only if the being asks’ Are you a bully or a caretaker/god/overseer?
Yes – about 3 years ago the people involved with the Afterlife research at Desteni – did in fact take on this point and together with the support of the dimensional beings – they did assist all beings trapped on earth through quantum time – to assist and support themselves through self forgiveness to no longer accept themselves as they were. The ghosts/demons were supported ‘dimensionally’ through dimensional beings into self realization and the demons were assisted through the interdimensional portal – to show the being who they were and the decisions they had made that brought them to this point – that once faced allowed the demon to self forgive and stop the demonic nature and acceptance of themselves simply to survive.
So to be a spiritualist or investigator but to not investigate actual solutions – to me indicates yet again the sick games played by us organic robots who are merely gamers in our own haunted minds – not seeing that the beings who we employ to be the characters in our stories – are and were actual beings.
Now you have investigators/ghost hunters – still having ghost-experiences – and one is able to show them that what they hear and see and feel is the mind of each person involved in the experience as the automated game – for those who are completely in their minds and adamant that they want to communicate with ‘ghosts’. This, most human’s would call psychotic behaviour – and one can say the same for those who claim jesus lives I their hearts or that god speaks to them. Half of the planets population is either starving or on the bread line. We have come to accept abuse and war and starvation as a part of the human existence – and this indicates the mind of man – delusional and psychotic – so busy trying to deal with the ghosts in the mind created and imprinted from childhood that we refuse to see that our fellow beings on earth are suffering at the hands of ourselves as we participate and survive in the world and the current money system.
To support yourself in working through mind possession: http://www.demonology.co.za
History on Desteni and the Demon Dimensions please visit the DesteniProdDemons channel on Youtube or ‘Demondaily on Youtube.
Life Coaching to stop the ‘haunted mind’ as layers of your pre-programming: http://www.desteniiprocess.com