Tag Archives: anxiety

The crazy mother

Imagehttp://eqafe.com/i/arosouw-life-review-the-crazy-mother

This Interdimensional being explains how her Life started out pretty much going according to plan, even when she fell pregnant after a one night stand – the solutionand the way that her and her sexual partner decided to get married and build a life together – was simplistically ideal. Throughout her life she followed the guidance of her parents and always used the technique of planning and setting of guidelines to bring one to your ‘ideal’ goals.

Her and her partner developed an intimate relationship even though they had been ‘thrown together after a night of passion. Life seemed to be on track, until she was faced with the unpredictable, the uncertain. She was faced with a wall in her mind and in the end due to one specific mind set – and inability to change her views and outlook on how to approach Life and what to expect from oneself, she basically drove herself insane as her relationship with her children went from concern to an obsession.

What stands out about this interview is how only on her death bed could she listen and communicate, as she was letting go of her Life. Here she shares valuable insights for us, on practical things to consider for ones life, on practical considerations when dealing with ‘differences’ and to not allow set rules and beliefs about how life is to be lived, push oneself and ones family into fear.

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2012 Gender differences and Violent crimes

(Excerpt taken from: Contemporary Criminological Issues, Department of Criminology, University of South Africa, 2009)

“Research (Bartol & Bartol 2008:380) cites that women are more likely to perceive aggression as a breakdown of self-management strategies than men are. To women,aggressive behaviour represents a personal failure to hold onto standards of behaviour which they set for themselves, and as a result they see aggression and violent behaviour in a negative light. Men on the other hand are more likely to perceive aggressive behaviour as a means of dominance and imposing control over others; therefore, they see violence and
aggression in a more positive light.”

Aggression, female submission and other traits within the human design, which are seen as normal and acceptable within our society, simply because they exist within us, are not necessarily what is best for us. If you observe the world you will notice that we allow human traits and designs to direct us, instead of realizing that we are the directive principle and do not have to accept our limitations as who we have become as our pre-programmed designs.

Within the Desteni I Process we work with stopping pre-programmed designs, as they exist from the starting point of abuse towards ourselves and others. Within the courses we find the designs behind characteristics such as ‘aggression’, ‘fear’, ‘ego’ etc., and we defuse the design through writing tools, self-forgiveness and self correction, within self responsibility. We have found for ourselves that we are not dependent on these human designs to live here in the physical as effective human beings. These designs create conflict within people, which – as you can observe in the news -create conflict within our world in how we live and treat each other.

We have walked the Desteni I Process for many years already and have successfully stopped such design characteristics which serve no practical purpose for self to live here in the physical reality, as a functional, self confident, self appreciative individual.

Within the Desteni I process I have walked through my pre-programmed design of Depression, Aggression and Anxiety, therefore I understand firstly how difficult it is to start applying oneself within the tools, however I have seen my own transformation as well as the transformation of the students participating in the courses. Each person is assigned a buddy, who supports them through their lessons and a mother buddy who oversees their progress through the courses, while at the same time assisting in the development of the necessary self-support skills, to utilize the lesson material within all areas of your life.

DesteniIProcess testimonials:

Self Support to Push Through Writing and Procrastination Backchat

stoppingjoekou.blogspot.com/2012/03/self-support-to-push-through-writing.html

Listen to The Body– How to Sort Out Acne

http://fidelisspies.blogspot.com/2011/06/listen-to-body-how-to-sort-out-acne.html

3 Years without Drugs

http://christophedegroote.wordpress.com/2011/05/29/3-years-without-drugs/

Writing as Self Support – My Fingers have a mind of their Own.

http://andrewgablehere.wordpress.com/2011/12/29/writing-as-self-support-my-fingers-have-a-mind-of-their-own/

How to Overcome Fear of Spiders

Giving up sugar

http://iamruben.blogspot.com/2011/05/giving-up-sugar.html

Writing Oneself to Freedom!

http://jozienfokkert.wordpress.com/2011/06/13/writing-oneself-to-freedom/

2012: “I forgive myself… I forgive myself…”

http://equalitywalk.blogspot.com/2012/03/2012-i-forgive-myself-i-forgive-myself.html

For more blogs and videos from the Desteni I Process members: http://desteni.org/income-plan-recruiters/page:2

http://desteniiprocess.com/

Greed, Mothering, Peace of Mind, the Atlanteans and Lung cancer

Desteni forum question on: Money and working – how do I work in a form of self-expression, without participating in world greed?

My perspective: Interesting question. I would suggest investigate why you like trading. All work in some form or another is trading with a being’s life – but the question I would ask is what is it specifically about trading that interests you – because in your question you are addressing the starting points and within this you will see who you are within working – are you supporting yourself in this world – or are you getting a specific kick out of a specific type of work – to entertain you in your mind and in self interest? I would suggest look at the experience of yourself you are participating in – which you are specifically getting from participating in ‘trade.’

So I suggest clear your starting point with regards to why you would rather specifically work in trade, than a job where you support yourself – because it is within what we give value to – to entertain ourselves – rather than practical support – that we are resonating and creating the world as it is.
Who are you as the symbol of yourself within what you do? If you look at the reason for doing something or the want of doing something – you will see what symbols you are responding to in your world and what symbol you have become and resonate as.
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Desteni Forum discussion on: Mother Construct:

Yes I have been experiences similar points as well. I suggest realizing that once you give attention to a construct – that it starts forming and molding you further and further into a pre-programmed design. I suggest look at where you have tendencies to allow the construct that is pre-existent within you – to direct you in your daily life – notice how new patterns are emerging – some you might even recognize from what your own mother use to do, or your siblings are manifesting.
I forgive myself for accepting within me a mother construct which direct me in responding to people and situations pre-determined ways.
I forgive myself for desiring to be seen as strong and competent.
I forgive myself for wanting my opinions to be seen as valid in this world.
I forgive myself for wanting to project an idea that my opinions as ‘how my environment should be’ – as designed within the mother construct – is valid.
I forgive myself for fearing touch.
I forgive myself for judging my sexual expression as demonic possession (lol).
I forgive myself for perceiving my expressive nature during sex, as being strange – but I realise that this expression is possible due to the allowance of touch, letting go, skin on skin, and completely letting go into and as the physical. Therefore sex in itself is agreement between two beings (or however many) to completely let go and explore the physical.
I forgive myself for wanting others to support themselves, from a starting point of wanting them to appear strong and capable to ‘take care of themselves.’
I forgive myself for seeing intimacy between a man and woman as a weakness.
I forgive myself for perceiving cuddling and caressing as dependencies.
I forgive myself for interpreting cuddling and caressing as a weakness -because it is two people dependent on each other for attention, energy and reassurance.
I forgive myself for allowing the construct to ‘interpret’ certain moments and behaviors I observe in people as the following:
I forgive myself for allowing the pre-determined perception that Cuddling is a drawing on of the other person’s energy.
I forgive myself for allowing the pre-determined perception that Hugging is a moment in which two bodies embrace as if in need to place their bodies together in a meaningless gesture.
I forgive myself for allowing the pre-determined perception that kissing is vampirism in which two people are sucking the life out of each other.
I forgive myself for allowing the pre-determined perception that holding hands is like hugging – a pre-designed placement of body parts that actually has no relevancy other than an energetic charge through physical dependency.
I forgive myself for allowing the pre-determined perception that giggling together is a sound resonance participation in which two people are locking each other into a design of dependency and ‘like-mindedness.’
I forgive myself for allowing the pre-determined perception that sex is about two people getting a big rush out of experiencing sexual pleasure – which is done by all beings on this planet habitually -without anything else for us to actually enjoy or experience.
I forgive myself for allowing the pre-determined perception that my enjoyment of sex is habitual or systematic and that I am doing it because it is an accepted form of expression which I have come to justify as ‘what I really enjoy doing.’
I forgive myself for allowing the pre-determined perception that men and woman require specific needs within an agreement.
I forgive myself for allowing the pre-determined perception that touching is a moment in which I let go and become vulnerable and am thus in a position of allowing the other person to see me with my guard down (god down = the mind).
I forgive myself for allowing the pre-determined perception that I am to be strong and able and not experience myself as weak – in this I react when hugging people – because in this it reveals about me that I enjoy intimacy and am gentle.
I let go of the pre-determined mother construct and all its manifested points within me as emotion, feelings and ideas around: touch, sex, companionship, money, playfulness.
I let go off the reaction to being hugged.
I let go off the idea I have that sex is difficult.
I let go of the idea that sex is systematic, and allow myself to explore sexuality anew as an expression within the physical.
I forgive myself for reacting when somebody hugs me and for allowing the thought in that moment that we are hiding within each other by hugging and that it is clear for all to see.
I forgive myself for reacting when I smile intimately at another in front of people and for allowing the thought: they can see me as being gentle, what if they take advantage of this.
I let go of my defenses and allow myself to unconditionally allow myself to express me as I have always done and stopped doing because my relationships/agreements became complicated.
Lately I have been expressing myself more with regards to intimacy and within this have caught myself going into the thought – that ‘what if my expression is from a place of construct/system design and not who I am.’ Writing about this point assisted me to look back at the moment where I questioned my expression and to see that I have been questioning myself because in my last agreement, when I would express me, my partner would ask me: why are you doing that? This over time created conflict within me about my expression and I pulled back and became quite and responsive/expressive according to what I thought would please him. I realise now that the physical release and enjoyment and reactions to my expressions I have experienced In the last week – is due to me existing in a mother construct in which I question my own expression and hold back because I am waiting to be taken into a discussion on why I express myself.
I forgive myself for compromising on who I am as self-expression as life, as a child – because I wanted to save my relationship.
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Desteni Forum discussion: How do we find the solutions?

I find that answers are HERE, as the practical common sense solutions for all Equally – otherwise how else could it be the answer if it does not stand equal and one to what is here? Anything else is a mind fuck.
I mean you could ask a question and a bird could chip but what did that actually mean? Did you abdicate directing yourself here within practicality – to an external confirmation before you direct yourself here according to what is best for all?
The purpose of this forum is for us all to share practical solutions. In this obviously we have to look into what is already here and what will have to change AS OURSELVES – for actual change to take place that will stand Equal to that which we have already designed – so that we change within the understanding of what we have allowed thus far. The solutions will step forth as ourselves, moving and directing and changing ourselves here in the physical: so in some ways change is simple – because in basic common sense you are able to see: if each person stops waiting for a god and takes responsibility for themselves – then already many of the self created delusions will stop. If we change the money system to an equality money system – many of the problems will stop. All of these examples ‘seem; simple – yet we have to implement them as ourselves – because if we remain as the symbols of self interest and greed – that we have always existed as then nothing will change.
So I suggest communicate your insights on the forum and let us all develop our common sense and self honesty as what is best for all – together – it is new to all of us. We have always existed as programs, thus to now walk the change that is required, will take ‘working together’ – to assist each other in common sense and self honesty. If for example you ask a question and you have an insight – how do you know you are not interpreting what you experience according to your own conditioning and programming? Thus we share insights here until what emerges is actual solutions within the context of what is here.
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Youtube question on: Have you Astral traveled:

My perspective: All information within the unified field has been and is uploaded through the unconscious mind – thus when a being ‘Astral Travels’ within the Mind – they are accessing downloaded information from within the unconscious mind. Ask yourself the question: if some of these beings who apparently are able to Astral travel and observe ‘real events’ – not actually seeing what is going on? They always present the experience within some spiritual or worldly context in which they observes that which they now are able to present according to what is already acceptable – the actuality of what exist is never experienced – or else the being would probably be shocked into actual participation in what is best for all. Astral travelers continue traveling in their world of selective information because it serves them in what they consider acceptable to know about this reality. The Astral traveler that tells you they see beings of purpose and light and events playing out within the context of some higher purpose/meaning – you know they have no real access other than what they have been designed to interpret.
Astral traveling is also a movement and placement of a being according to their time line, because in them roaming the unified field within their unconsciousness mind – they are being positioned into their next placement within their time line – so that they continue on their life path as pre-determined within the system. That is why you will find that people who Astral Travel will (as I discussed above) only experience specific points relevant to what will keep them within a specific progression of themselves, as what already exists here in this world.
Time lines and astral traveling:
So let’s look at the basic common sense behind real time experiences and astral traveling. A being would normally move through this reality and when they activate symbols within them according to their time line grids – they will then be directed into the next experience of themselves. Within Astral traveling you are being symbolically moved and activated in your mind while you travel the unified field map within your mind. Thus you are still being directed and placed according to your ‘life path’’ within the system – but this happening inside the mind of the astral traveler.
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Desteni Forum question: Why should we do forgiveness and release ourselves from the Mind, if who we really are is Atlanteans?

My perspective: I suggest watch the video done on Structural Resonance Alignment. It is our accepted design as Mind Consciousness Systems – through which we have become the resonance of ourselves. We all resonate as these Mind Programs and through resonating, we create this reality. We all exist as the resonances of our Minds and are unaware of the level at which we create reality. It is within the living symbolic resonances that we exist. Thus it seems as if we are merely people living on a planet -unaware of how the world is created but:

We exist as Mind Consciousness symbols, resonating and Impulsing as symbols and through that reality as symbols is created. We interpret reality according to our pre-programmed understanding of what is here and through that align ourselves as symbols one and equal to that which we interpret – forming new symbols, as ourselves which we then live out – similar to the basics of ‘machine language.’
So I suggest let go of the idea that we are beyond what is here, because apparently once we were ‘Atlantean.’ It is through our resonant Impulsing that we exist and create the world – thus we suggest self forgiveness and self honesty to stop the symbols we create and accept within us.
I suggest watch the recent videos on Multi-Dimensional Resonance Symbols. Then watch the videos on Why Self Forgive and why self honesty.
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Youtube Comment: Why do you guys at Desteni smoke, don’t you know smoking causes lung cancer?

Science versus common sense:
Investigations into Mind Consciousness Systems at Desteni has shown that cancer and illness are designed within Consciousness – so for example anxious and angry people -create disease resonantly within them – these might be the same people who smoke to ground themselves. If you do not see dimensionally or take into consideration that non-smokers can get cancer or illness -then I suggest to not proclaim your opinions copied from what science says – as common sense insight.
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Taken from: http://desteni.co.za/forum/viewtopic.php?f=192&t=12143
The Spitefulness of God

In Accepting God – you’re accepting the World the way it is and the way it works.
In Accepting this World the way it is and the way it works – you’re Accepting God.

In Accepting the Evil Nature of Man as Sinner – you’re Implying that God deliberately Created the Evil Nature of Man.

To Imply that Choice is the Cause for the ‘Fall of Man’ i.e. the Choice between Good and Evil – Implies that God is limited to Man’s Choice and in fact – that Choice is More Powerful than God.

Which means – Man is More Powerful than God – because Man is apparently the One with Choice.

To claim that God is ‘all-knowing’ – would Imply that God already knew what each one Individually was going to Choose.
Which then Implies that God Lied when he gave Man ‘Free-Choice’ – because he already knew what each one is going to Choose.

And in this Implying – that he Created each Individual with a Pre-Ordained Choice = which isn’t Free and thus not Choice at all.

So in this all – there seems to be the Biggest Lie in Plain-Sight:
If God exist – this World is just a Big Computer-Game – Like ‘Sims’, and Nothing you Ever Do – is Real.
No-one actually ever Starve.
No Child actually ever get Abused.
No-one actually ever get killed in War – Because the way you live, whether Good or Evil = has no effect on what will Happen to you as you are just a Prop in ‘God’s Simulation’ and God is Playing a Game like a Naughty Evil Child.
Feeling Nothing for any Part of the Game – only Enjoying the Thrill, like in ‘Carmageddon’.

If no God exist – You Actually have a Chance and You Actually have a Choice.

But you’ll Find:
If you ‘Believe in God’ or any other ‘Higher-Power’ – you Immediately have No Choice.

Even in the Accepting of this World and Nature as the way it is – You’re Accepting some form of ‘Higher-Power’ = and therein you are Immediately Limited in your Choice.
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Desteni forum discussion on: Peace of Mind

My perspective: None of us effectively direct ourselves in this world, to stop our Mind and actually bring about practical solutions. Everybody calls themselves able to or willing to do what is best for all – and then talk about it on the forum, but don’t actually apply themselves within basic common sense, self honesty, self forgiveness and self responsibility – let alone take that to the world in effective application – equal and one to the system that already exists.

That is why he says that people have the tendency to ‘go into peace of mind’ – because look at what happens – you feel you are entitled to peace of mind, just because you are able to say it. Peace of Mind only exists when ALL are FREE, all have food, all have Equal Opportunity. So why do you proclaim to have peace of mind?
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Youtube question: Would self-forgiveness be necessary to apply when I were to feel enjoyment and happiness?

My perspective: Question: Are you enjoyment as an expression of yourself, not controlled and directed by external events and people – or is it subject to what you experience? That is separation through systematic dependency on external events that impulse you through programming – thus we suggest self forgiveness to stop our conditioned programming, until we are the directors of self here as what is best for all – within self honest self expression. Then self is authentic in expression.

Fearing the worst

I forgive myself for fearing that somebody will try and manipulate me without me being aware of myself and what is happening

I forgive myself for not trusting and supporting me effectively in every moment and thus allowing myself to think that something will happen to me

I forgive myself for allowing myself to worry and fear that something will happen to my dog, my cats or my fishes

I forgive myself for worrying about the ‘health’ of my dog and for fearing that he will become ill

I forgive myself for fearing that my dog might be lonely and that his boredom or loneliness might result in him becoming aggressive or ill

I forgive myself for allowing myself to ‘imagine’ events or scenarios where my dog bites another animal

I forgive myself for allowing thoughts in which I worry that my dog does might be ‘sad or depressive’, when what this is – is me seeing myself as sad or depressive

Therefore in what I fear about any of my animals is me fearing myself and what I have accepted and allowed

I forgive myself for fearing that if I do not apply myself in writing, that I will experience suppressions manifested here in my world

I forgive myself for fearing that I might make a mistake

I forgive myself for fearing other people’s responses to me – in that they might ask me to shut up or go away

I forgive myself for attaching value to anybody outside of me as a personality who I perceive through their actions or words might ‘have power over me’

I forgive myself for giving my power away through fear, by imagining situations that could happen and thus not living here in practical common sense.

I forgive myself for allowing myself to experience depression when I fear that things will happen to me

I forgive myself for allowing myself to exist as the victim personality, always fearing others and situations  – I direct me in every moment in every breath. I purify my words by being aware of what I say and why I say it. I am aware of my movement and participation in 3D

 

I forgive myself for placing value in constructs such as: envy, jealousy, better than, more than, good, applying, expressive, able, competent, clean, stable, responsible. Not that these points are ‘constructs’ within themselves, but rather how I perceive them to be is systematic and of the mind because of conditions and ideas and believes around each ‘point’

The consequences of me wanting to ‘play it safe’ is a direct statement to myself that I have no self trust.

I forgive myself for fearing speaking what I see to other people – out of fear that it would change how we communicate or change the beings ‘opinion of me’. This states that I want to exist as a personality or idea within somebody’s mind and that who I am is dependent on the minds value another being has of me. It is not that the other being has this value of me, but that within me I have given myself the value that I would like others to have of me and thus live to form this opinion in others. I stop ‘designing/creating’ ideas within myself about myself and thus stop designing all ideas within other beings. This I notice occurs like a dimensional shift when I express from the perspective of validation or bringing out an idea within the being of me – based on what they just experienced in my company – of me

I forgive myself for fearing that other people will not approve of my actions and words – this being because I don’t always approve of my own words and actions because I am dependent on my words fitting a certain picture of me – thus I don’t trust me as here

I forgive myself for fearing that if people stand up together that they might judge me of who they see me to be and thus not want me to walk with them. This fear is directly linked to how I see myself not able to walk with myself in self honesty, as I see me and my mind as separate and still allow me to hide behind my mind instead of direct me here

I forgive myself for still believing that some people are better than others and thus are more than and stand out. This is a direct reflection of my wants and needs to ‘be special, be noticed and apparently feel good’ because of some external event, word or placement of myself

Who would I be if I were not here but in a different place surrounded with different things and people. Would it change me.

I forgive myself for fearing that if I were to go someplace else I would use that as a reason to change instead of me being one and equal to me here

I forgive myself for waiting to be here as me and instead hiding in fear of myself and of self responsibility

I forgive myself for existing within my ego as the fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment and fear of getting lost.

Everything that exists within me is a feeling based illusion, thus my above mentioned fears are illusions.

I forgive myself for accepting the illusion of something happening to me. This fear is based in me not wanting to accept full responsibility for myself as I see responsibility to be – some big drama with me in the middle. So my perception of self responsibility is that it is a struggle. This is my mind allowing me to doubt me because as long as I listen to the illusion, the mind will give me reason to exist as an illusion.

 

I focus on here as the breath what I am able to touch physically, move physically and how I direct me practically

I forgive myself for using words to discharge sexual tension. Discharge or release is not necessary because if everything is here than the immediate stop of desire and need is here as the in breath.

I forgive myself for wanting to feel myself within masturbation or sex because it charges my mind consciousness system for the rest of the day

Fearing any event or being is actually fearing is the accepted and allowed nature of self as director and thus I fear that I am actually not in directive principle of myself

I forgive myself for fearing myself because I think that who I am is still dependent on what I think I need, want desire and thus am able to within this – fall back into old patterns. Last night I had a dream in which I begged an old friend I had walked away from a few years back – to please be my friend again and compromised me to have that cycle of abuse back. Thus I realised that I did not stand as what I had realised but instead fell back into self abuse. Thus I realised that points exist within me where I tend to fall back into self abuse and self compromise.

I forgive myself for accepting any form of self abuse and self compromise

I forgive myself for allowing any and all thoughts in which I fall back into self abuse.

I realise that the fact that I ‘circle’ around this one point over and over indicates that I do not want to trust me and that I do not want to just live and that my new form of self abuse and self compromise is to hold onto the idea that I might fall, I might deceive me, I might not be self honest. This is self abuse because any form of self inflicted self doubt in which I justify any form of abuse is self abuse – even the what if’s.

I forgive myself for judging myself in that I might not be who I think I should be.

I forgive myself for wanting to hold onto desires and ideas, because only suppressed desires and ideas will bring forth such self doubt instead of me living here without self blame and self hate.

I forgive myself for desiring power over people, thus in this statement realising that as long as I see the existence of power as me having some form of control over something – will I allow me to exist beneath or over any moment – and thus never just being here. I play the power game within myself of I must win over my inner room and accepted nature – instead of transforming my nature in every moment every breath as it presents itself here – without judgement.

Miasms

 

Miasms: Points that have manifested as me as the physical body

 

Andrea

8/23/2008

 

 

Genetic, DNA, From conception, mother, father, accepted encoded points lived out as persona

 

These are points I have looks at so far


 

From birth I had four major personas’s which supported the ‘points’ of miasms.

·        Intellectual: Clever, smart, way ahead of the others, insight

·        Afraid: Anxiety, nervousness, fear based suppressions and hopelessness

·        Abstract: different, contained, hermit, spiritual, different, angry, confrontational, subject to change within believe

·        Compassionate: thinking of ‘the whole’, thinking of what is the best thing to do, oneness and equality

The actual miasms are the defining points that are ‘brought’ across through genetics and DNA through which the stages of the physical are dependent on eg: the growth for example of a young baby to teenager is progressively linked to what miasm or genetic programs are running as ‘points’ that require to be lived as persona through the being. For example is the miasm is the beings genetic point of information – transferred and encoded as ‘who the being should become’ then the persona is how the being lives the miasm in totality of expression.

The miasm could be genetic traits of e.g.: depression, anger or sadness brought through from the mother or fathers miasms but the child will ‘live’ out the physical structure as the major physical traits and becoming of the body by for example being overweight, underweight, broken hip or injury’s that happen within specific periods of the beings ‘growth period’.

My miasms for example are depression lived through my persona as being a carefully, contemplative being, focusing on what makes sense rather than free expression in every moment. The personality through which I define myself as a depressive miasm is to live cautiously, without being freely expressive unless I see the worth within what I express. Placing myself within ‘bad moods’ or becoming sore within my body thus manifesting the physical of the depression as pain, discomfort, but endorsing the physical manifestation through the persona of being careful to not have to make mistakes. Thus my hip is an example of where and how I allow myself to say: no thanks I won’t walk to fast or run ahead and play as I would like to because my physicality won’t support me not being cautious, thus supporting the miasm of depression and sadness.

Next miasm: anger of self. Lived here as persona called being serious and not allowing shit within my environment and thus manifesting physically as the definitive limp and strong arms and strong jaw. Thus ‘projecting’ the image that I am strong and not to be messed with, endorsed by my persona of being tough when it is coming from the persona of anger at self. Thus if I am angry with myself as ‘self anger’ then I will walk around in within a stiff body, presenting ‘strength’ as my point of anger, thus justifying self anger. The persona will be ‘walking around speaking only if beings don’t talk too much shit to me or give me more reason to face my own miasm but rather leaving me alone to exist as the miasm and persona of ‘being strong’

Next miasm: ‘sadness’ inherited just like self anger and depression from both my mother and father – thus generating a complete physicality as ‘both parents’. This means that because I have genetically become both parents’ miasms I have become them as the physical manifestation and persona’s as well. The physical of my father for sadness also linked to depression is the weakening of the body, feeling of tiredness and wanting to be left alone to not have to stretch the body and participate in the physical. From my mother the physical has become the tiredness of conversation, judgment in my thoughts and placing words before a being to make them think that if they shut up rather than express their sadness then both of us will actually seem more alive, when in fact both beings physically swell up with water, holding back on the physical expression of grief and thus being protected with body water. My father’s personality is to shut up and not say anything, thus living as the persona of constantly seeing the bad and the ugly in everything. My mother’s persona is the grieving for all things lost: e.g.: money, family, friendship, opportunity, value, ideas, God