Tag Archives: forgiveness

Robot forgiveness

What is self-forgiveness? Self forgiveness is me realising who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and how that creates me as this world, that does not stand within oneness and equality for all. Therefore I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a mind, a robot that was created by me to exist within a holographic reality until who I am realizes me to be self, completed and not limited as the mind within the system of the mind. What does it mean to exist as a robot within this system we call ‘life’? It means that we have existed within thoughts, within emotions, within feelings, within our believes, within ideas and justification – and we call this living. Why are we not living as self within self expression? Because we have designed ourselves to be that which is the mind and as I said we call ourselves ‘living’. However have you ever asked yourself the question why you have called yourself ‘who I am’, when what you are still existent within thoughts? Are you a feeling? Are you an emotion? Are you a believe? Are you a thought? Oh really? So you and I have limited ourselves by this one thought, this one feelings and this one believe that exists as who we experience ourselves to be. We exist from the time of birth apparently, because our parents and other adults have told us to be – as a thought. I think therefore I am. I am told by my parents and other adults that I am an emotion and that for me to exist within this world I must act according to certain emotions and feelings and ideas of each other and ourselves and that apparently in our capacity of self – we are only and will always only exist as we always have – within what exists as our minds. So when your parents tell you to think and feel, you do that and have always done that and we have never question why? We grow up and we live as these feelings and emotions and we fight to keep our thoughts ‘alive’ in our heads! What are your thoughts? Are they alive? Yes you could say that you think therefore you live as that thought, therefore you live? Really? If adults and society did not tell you that you ‘have’ to think and feel then who would you be? Would how you express yourself be different if you did not love to feel and think?  So who we have become are mere organic robots walking around living for and as the thoughts and feelings that we have been trained to live as. We do not actually live people because we are slaves. We are slaves because we just don’t grasp how fucked we are as thoughts and feelings.

I mean look at yourself as I look at myself. What happens in my head is apparently who I am. You think you are ego and that you must feel and that you must exist within the polarity emotions of your mind – to be alive! Why must we feel? Oh yes we feel good. So we have been trained by society and our parents that we must grow up and live to feel, because feeling good is really all this is about. So what happens to feeling good all the time? Well, it must have a polarity opposite so that feeling good is able exist. Yes so we as ourselves create the opposite of feeling good, so that we know when we are experiencing feeling good. Now take that example through to all our forms of thinking. I think I am good, therefore at some stage during my day I must think something bad of myself in order for me to later on think I am a good person again. I experience anger now so that later I feel no anger and I am able to say: ‘oh everything worked out in my world so that I don’t have to feel anger anymore’.

So what does the world system as our collective conscious do to support us globally in what we think and feel individually? Well we support what we think and feel by setting up our world so that we may think and feel in certain ways. We created money to support” rich/poor, safe/unsafe, happy/sad, alive/dead, content/traumatized, special/not special, welcome/not welcome, sufficient/not sufficient, worthy/not worthy etc.. And that list goes on.


We created other world systems and we created jobs and family systems and society to place ourselves into so that we may support and create these placements in which we may continually experience ourselves within polarity that is interpreted by us through emotions and feelings and thinking. So you see we are merely here supporting each other in existing as robots that think they are merely polarity based systems existent to be emotions, thinking and feeling. We have accepted ourselves to be the above mentioned. When we stop and I ask you but why do you want to continue existing as a support structure within the system so that your system as your mind may support you to be a system: Then people say: ‘oh but I have always done this so why must I do anything differently’. Jeesus Christ why would we want to be robots living as systems that are merely here to keep the world systems moving, so that a few have control and exist and express who they want to be through money? Why do we want to keep the world systems moving so that a few hundred or maybe thousand may exist within self expression here as a mind system? Who we are is mind systems supporting the rich and powerful so that their mind systems may experience themselves as these supreme systems? Why do we support the existence of family and monetary systems while we see that we are merely pawns to the greater systems?

 The ‘supreme systems’ don’t exist either, because the rich and powerful that we so happily support are merely acting as robots themselves and who actually ‘benefits’ from this? We act like robots so that a few may also act like bigger robots. Does a rich person who sits on a boat sipping his drink, afforded from the sweat of your all consuming brow really live? No he experiences a feeling of the mind called ego. Oh yes but remember that feeling of being rich and important and good looking and popular is a nice feeling and we support them because well at least we feel good when we tap into that good feeling hey?  So we justify the rich guy on the boat by existing in our place as robots and we call it ‘our choice’. I have my family and my ten children and my TV and my car and therefore I am sooo happy. Yes people this is what it comes down to. We justify ourselves through justifying our existence here as robots. We say that family and society and materialism is the foundation of who we are. Without these things we will die or be very uncomfortable. Look around you. The system keeps you in a bubble in which you work, go home to your family and wake up the next day to work. The rich get richer and you and I remain locked in a world in which we have justified our existence while our sole reason for being there is…because it feels right, or it looks right or it has always been that way.

If you and I were born on a planet where we did not know about family or money or society or materialism or law, who and what would we then be? Would we be lost or would we actually have no limitation other than what we accept ourselves to be within our environment and our physical expression. Would we say to ourselves ‘oh but surely I should love that person to be me’ or would we just be ourselves? What would become of this world when all world systems collapse? Would we actually believe that the death of ourselves as pre-programmed robots is the death of self? Do we exist to please that which we have always just accepted? Let’ say the feeling of Love or Anger disappears. Would I die? Would I cease to exist? Am I taking away some great purpose or meaning for myself as myself? Why would a feeling that comes from my head that keeps me in continual cycles of polarity be what is best for me and what is best for all?

Is what we created right now what is best for all? We say that we feel because it gives us such great pleasure while others suffer due to the opposite of that same feeling.  Are we absolutely sure that we are who we are because of who we accept ourselves to be in our minds? Why have we decided that our way of being, as existing continually day by day as thinkers, believers and feelers, really what is best for ourselves and for all? Have we ever stopped to ask ourselves why we have become who we are when surely Loving feelings should be enough?

If the feeling of Love is sufficient then why do we not equally share this feeling? Why does one get to feel a positive polarity while another feels the opposite? Do we continue in this cycle of polarity called the human existence, blindfolded to the common sense of it merely because we have always done it? If I knew that for a child to never be raped again I had to stop fearing myself or my actions and step up and take responsibility for myself, would I be able to see that? Would I be able to see what polarity creates? Do we have it within us to stop and ask the questions why we have accepted this world as ourselves? Do we have it within ourselves to see who we have become, to see why and to stop ourselves so that we have the opportunity to stand as the solution? What would be a solution for what we have become? Surely we must start by applying common sense. Then we have to walk as that answer and live self-honestly and self-responsibly so that we may say: we are here and we do not accept what we have been for so long, without awareness of what we create and without individual self responsibility. It is not that difficult to place all that we have become in this world before us and to take it all apart and see our roles individually. It is really not that difficult to forgive ourselves and to become self responsible for what we have accepted and allowed.

So Self forgiveness is self realising who each is within that which exists here as who we have become. Self forgiveness gives each the opportunity to clearly see, without judgment who he or she really is, without shame and without regret. To just see and then move beyond and to realize that we don’t have to hide behind what we have accepted. We just have to see and self forgive and then together realize what we stand for and who we are. What are we one and equal to? Well our world reflects what we are one and equal to and that is common sense. No amount of inner knowing or book learned knowledge will begin to change what is here, until we stand equal and one to ourselves and then accept that we are responsible for ourselves. Consciousness is here because we have accepted it to be so and that is what the mind accepts. The mind is merely showing you and me that we are one and equal to what we have accepted ourselves to become and the world that we exist in reflects that to us as we have separated ourselves outside ourselves so that we may see ourselves. One and equal we will see ourselves and this world will expand outward more directly and hectically until we stop and look at our world as who we have allowed ourselves to actually accept ourselves as. We have accepted this world, whether we want to argue this or not and we will separate and consume ourselves until we stop and forgive and start again.


As I write this I ask myself the question why we all like writing about our childhood – can we not just let it go. However, within my childhood I see how I created myself and how I came to be – here now. So I will give insight into it: I remember my father was a very quiet, depressed man, my mom as she is now – angry, erritated and worked up. My father did not want to be here, he was caught in his head, worrying about feeding his family and child hood traumas. I of course only wanted him to hold me and play with me, but he was a troubled man and therefore stayed in his own room, cooked his own food and did not have much to say.

At some stage my dad had a mild heart attack and I remember standing just outside the doctor’s room, listening to the doctor tell my mom that if my father did not ‘stop smoking’, that my father would die. So, my major concern then became: when will my father die and what am I able to do to prevent this? I tried speaking about this to him, but he told me ‘to just ignore it’. I then realised a while later, from watching my father, that he was indeed going to die. I just knew it. He was always sad and alone and always smoked (at that stage I was of the opinion that yes smoking does kill you). From this I came to understand that he was going to die. The rest of the time, from that point forward I spent watching and waiting. If my father came home from work in the evenings, I experienced a flood of relieve. If he was late from work, my little brain would be wrecked with fear, I would be consumed, fearing that any minute the phone was going to ring….

Then one day I was doing homework in my room and my mom walks in. She appeared worried, sad. My heart was racing because it had been doing so ever since the conversation between my mom and the doctor. She stood before me and told me that my dad had another heart attack and was in hospital. Of course the realisation that the moment was there just sunk into me, how inevitable it was. That evening we visited him in hospital and I would hardly speak to him. I was angry because he was aware that this was going to happen, yet it did not stop him from ‘smoking’.

I remember vaguely praying to Jesus or God that night and begging for my father not to die, same shit different story. Early the next morning, angels did not descend down from the heavens as my father was fighting for his life in a hospital bed, instead he suffered repeated heart attacks and died. I experienced what any young child does, when they receive such news, I was shocked, I did not cry. I waited for my father’s funeral before I cracked inside the church and became hysterical. That day something in me snapped. I was very angry. I was tired. I had been waiting and fearing his death for many years and i just wanted my father to hold me without me worrying about when he will die, or me feeling his stiffness and depression.

After his funeral, I became very angry. I had decided that God ‘betrayed’ me and that he was no good. What kind of world do we live in where a God, gives a child a father that hardly speaks to her, then has her spend here ‘childhood’ worrying about when exactly he will die and then like a sick, prolonged joke, he… dies. It came out years later that the bank he was working for was joining another bank and that on that particular day they were going to retrench people. My father was so worried that he was going to loose his job, and had told my mother that he was not sure how they were going to cope if he lost his job. Apparently the day of his heart attack, he already left the house having the first heart attack. My sister noticed that he was sweating and looked pale, but he asked her not to say anything. He did not want to upset anybody. So after i heard that my anger at myself and the money system started. I ‘blamed’ myself because I caused his death and the money system drove his body to death.

 I tell this part of the story because in a way it was a blessing and a curse. That was unfortunately a path that i took of self-hate and self anger. On the other side, that was the first day I questioned the existence of God. I was eleven and I remember standing in my garden and yelling up at the skies: ‘Whether there is a God or not I dont care, you are not a God’. ‘If there is such a thing as a devil, I will serve him instead, i will show you!’ Yes that was very dramatic, but that is in a way what drove me insane. A couple of days later, my father’s best friend came to ‘pay his respect’ and ended up fondling me when my mom went to bed. Let us just say…that was not helping. From that point my quest to ignore God and blasphemy his name was how I spent my school years, and then I became afraid and tried to get close to him, by ‘worshiping’ him. From that point forward, you can watch my videos on youtube.

I forgive myself for crying for my father’s death

I forgive myself for seeing this world as cruel

I forgive myself for being afraid of what this world is able to ‘manifest’, as myself, as that which each one of us has ‘become’

I forgive myself for crying because children are so innocent and have no clue about what really happens in this world

I forgive myself that I put myself through all the hell, just to prove a point to a God that does not exist

I forgive myself that in taking on God, I ended up taking on me, because I am the only one that will experience what I create

I forgive myself that sometimes I feel really old and unable to just be

I forgive myself for feeling as if i have been doing this for more than just one life time

I forgive myself for crying for the past

I forgive myself for allowing myself to think and feel

I forgive myself for fearing that if I do not stop feeling tired and old, that i will die

I forgive myself for only now embracing me. I love me and I want for nothing but to just be

I do not want to chase dreams and fears and worries any longer. I forgive myself for feeling like I am tredding water sometimes, and for finding ‘beingness’ difficuilt

I forgive myself for fearing, just breathing and stopping, because I have found that if I stop then I stop moving and all I do is run and play all day. How am i able to run and play when animals and people are being abused and killed

I forgive myself for feeling pressurised to do something, yet at the same time, just be

Therefore my beingness is rushed and worried that i am supposed to be surviving and doing things to stop the lies in this world.

I will continue…